Nicomachean Ethics

Did you happen to watch last night's premier episode of a new television sitcom entitled "Life in Pieces?" James Brolin plays the father in a typically dysfunctional family (show me one that isn't), and in an effort to hear how his family and friends might speak of him at his funeral, he throws himself a funeral as a 70th birthday party. (It was actually a funny show that I hope makes it to more episodes.) He doesn't like some of the things being said about him, then argues with those he loves the most.

I had a similar experience today, but before I talk about that, I want to share a story with you that my boss often shares with others as he's trying to convince them to become donors and/or volunteers for the free clinic at which we both work.

In his best Aristotle stance, he tells a story of how people have two kinds of eulogies. One is the resume eulogy - the accomplishments you list in hopes of impressing a possible employer. The other is the funeral eulogy - the pieces of you that are left behind once you have departed this earth.

Naturally the resume eulogy is intended to be remarkable and extraordinary - something that will grab the eye of the beholder, in this case an employer, or a particular school, or classmates because the paragraph next to your photo in the school year book is longer than anyone else's on that page. That's what I did in high school. I joined every club and after school activity I could possibly fit into my schedule just so my paragraph could be long and impressive. I believed that was the road to victory over not being so popular.

The funeral eulogy is something you usually don't hear, but it touts your virtues, your goodness, the marks you left on others, the true meaning of your life. Most of us hope we've actually lived up to that funeral eulogy, because let's face it - no one ever speaks negatively about the dearly departed. We can only hope that what's going to be said, the outpouring of kind thoughts, is actually how people did feel about us, and not just what they think they have to say.
Following me?

So, why don't we all live our funeral eulogy - right now? Why don't we all bend a little, love a lot, see the good in others, help the unfortunate, live that very simple Golden Rule?

I joked at lunch today as so many powerful women in my community spoke of me as being a positive force in their lives, as understanding the needs of the underserved and advocating for change, as always being willing to help, as being a second mother, as being a good community servant. I joked that maybe they knew something I hadn't been told yet by my doctors; that I felt like I was attending my own funeral.

But, of course, it wasn't my funeral. And, although my first inclination was to shy away from the compliments, instead, I took this rare opportunity to hear the words "Mission Accomplished" playing in my head as I owned this very proud moment.
Is that wrong?
No!

The person they were describing is me! And I'm proud of it. Why wouldn't I be?
That's exactly who I am and I'm owning it.

Every woman there leads the same life. Every woman there leads by example. They are all giving-natured, working for the betterment of our community, each in her own way. I look up to each of them. I appreciate each of them and what they bring to the table.

A few months ago, I allowed a mean girl to get into my head and wreak havoc. I began doubting myself; my every move; my adult life's work.

Today was a wake up call - to me and to all you women out there who are working for the greater good of your own communities. Keep up the good work and own it! When someone compliments you for your courage, your kindness, your steadfastness, own it! Know that they are speaking your funeral eulogy right then and there on the spot, and you are lucky enough to be hearing it. Walk in pride and own it!

I do not, by a long shot, think I'm the best thing since sliced bread.
But I am owning who I am.

I am so grateful for today. I am grateful to have these powerful women in my life. I am grateful to be lifted by them each and every day of the week. I am grateful for the lessons of today.

And, something else happened. When it was mentioned that I might not feel as valued now that I'm no longer working at the newspaper, I had an immediate answer that I must share tonight:
"I am not, nor ever was, defined by my job at the newspaper. However, I learned a great deal while there and it is that education that has offered me the opportunity I have today to be a development director for a non-profit. I still am not defined by my job, but I am defined, in part and as I learned today, by who I became as a result of that job at the newspaper."

The bonus in today's luncheon is that it comes only four days from the third anniversary of my mother's passing. If ever I needed lifting, it was now. God works in mysterious ways.

(Click on the photo to see it larger)

You'd be so proud, Mom and Dad.
Miss you and love you.