I have a friend who says he will never join Facebook, because posting to it is no different than standing naked in the middle of a packed football stadium.
My younger sister doesn't normally reveal herself through a social media posting, so when I saw a post about her feeling down I was surprised. In her two sentence, but very telling, post she spoke of missing our mother, but also mentioned that our mother will never know my sister's grandchildren. To be honest, my first reaction, which she will learn about now, was that my niece was pregnant. I was elated.
Mom was placed under Hospice care on Sept. 17. My niece's wedding was scheduled for Sept. 29.
Mom was trying so hard to hold on to life long enough to attend her granddaughter's wedding. She told the nurses from Hospice that was her goal. She told me to make sure she got to the wedding; to do whatever I needed to do to make sure it would happen.
Much to her disappointment, when I realized that she would not be able to physically attend the wedding, on Sept. 25, my son began making arrangements for the wedding to be Skyped so Mother could watch it from her bed at home. I thought we had come upon a great solution -- she would still be a part of the ceremony, witnessing the exchange of vows, and my niece and sister would know Mom was there. In looking back on it now, I realize that's when she gave up, gave in and the true transition began.
Mother passed away on the night of Sept. 26.
Because my sister and her beautiful daughter were so busy with all the things you should be busy doing only days before one of the happiest days of a family's life, my sister was not able to be with Mother the night she passed away. I know that was very hard on my sister; making it impossible to "mourn in the normal ways."
While I was planning Mother's funeral, my sister had to force herself to put on a smile and focus on last minute wedding plans; like the dozens of guests arriving from out of state, the rehearsal dinner, and so much more. I don't know that I could have been as strong - that I could have done what she did.
The wedding went on as planned, and on Sept. 29 my niece married her soul mate in the absolutely beautiful setting of a central Florida lakeside park, with its cool breezes and moss covered cypress trees against the backdrop of one of Florida's always gorgeous sunsets.
My niece and her husband will soon be married for five-months, so when I first read my sister's post, I don't really think is was completely unreasonable for me to think they might be planning a family. But then I read some of her friends' comments and realized this was not a coded message, breaking what could be some of the best news to hear in a long time. It was my sister revealing herself and reaching out for help - in all of her own nakedness.
A tsunami wave of missing Mom hit my sister. Perhaps it's hit her more often than she's been willing to reveal, but this time there was enough emotion to call out for help. I'm so glad her friends were there for her.
Love you, Sissy.
