Lecture:
One thing I've learned through this process of loss and loneliness -- there aren't many people who really want to hear about it. In other words, those who are willing to help you through to the brighter side are few and far between, whether it's your friends or members of your own family.
In the beginning everyone says, "If you need anything, call." Or, "If you ever need to talk about it, I'm here for you." But you're in such an overwhelming place at that time, all you want is to be alone. Later, though, when you're ready to talk about things, when you do realize that it's going to take the help of others to dig you out of your hole, not many - if any - of them are there for you.
Maybe it's because they don't know what to say. Maybe it's because you've overstayed your "welcome." Maybe it's because they are going through their own thing and really can't bear to hear about yours. And maybe it's because they can't and probably never will understand the loving relationship you had with the one who passed.
Some of my friends are of the belief that there's been enough time since Mother passed that I should be "over it," should have "moved on with my life" by now. So, I find myself traveling in some new territory; me wanting to be patient with them, while I'm wishing they would be patient with me. How's that for a twist?
So, in conclusion -- if there is someone you love going through the loss of a loved one, or going through anything that is diifficult to master on their own, figure out how to help and truly be there for them. Don't let them dig deep into an abyss of loneliness. Don't take "No" for an answer from them. Be persistent, be the friend they need, be the blessing.
(Full disclosure: One very good friend did spend several hours with me the other evening, and for that I am eternally grateful.)
Lecture over.
On the lighter side of my own hole, I've been longing for my mother to come to me in my dreams. While I've had dreams about her, and she's been present in them, I've not actually seen her. That, in and of itself, has caused me great pause.
But, last night, she was there. I don't remember what the dream was even about or if there was an actual story to the dream -- but I do know that she finally came to me and held me, and I held her and I kissed her over and over again.
I sure needed that.
Ahhh!
My journey is far from over, but Mother visiting me last night put me in a much more peaceful place today.
Ahhh!
