Entangled, trapped and saved

Since Mother's passing in 2012, I seem to prepare for the onslaught of emotions as Mother's Day approaches; missing her and wishing she could have made it to her 100th birthday -- as she often said she hoped to do.  (She looked forward to the recognition our local County Commission gives to centenarians. lol)

Mother lived with us for so long and she passed here at home, so I'm grateful to my son and his wife for understanding I prefer not to be home over Mother's Day weekend. This year, they planned a kayaking trip on the Weeki Wachee River on the west coast of Florida.

What an absolutely beautiful day with perfect weather, loving companionship and silly fun.

The current was so strong for most of the 5.5-mile trip that we barely had to paddle. And even though it was a busy day on the water, the experience was relaxing and serene -- until -- somehow I got caught up in a very fast current on my left and suddenly I was entangled in a tree and grapevine. Seriously snared, and with each passing moment it was as if the tree and it's grapevines were entrapping me like a boa grabs its prey. My son and husband made their way back to help me, as I floundered, sort of 'hanging' by my left arm as it was woven into the branches. What a mess! After a while, they were able to maneuver around and get me out of that jumbled weave of branches and grapevine. Thank goodness no photos!

Then it was on to the next adventure in kayaking. We came around a bend and people were jumping into the cold, spring-fed river from tree tops and other, lower platforms. We had to join the fun.

My son jumped in from the tree tops, but I played it safe and jumped from a much lower platform.

What fun!!  (If you look closely, you can see the guy in the kayak on the right laughing at this old lady, but I never saw him take the plunge. Just sayin'.)

I love spending time and being adventurous with my son and his wife. They bring out the energy in me and push me to do more. And, as I've said in previous posts, my daughter-in-law knows all the fun things to do. We're looking forward to more kayaking, and hopefully, some camping with them.

For those of you who have never gone through the loss of a beloved loved one; for those of you who have said to me that you think life just goes on; for those of you who didn't have the type of loving relationship I was blessed to enjoy; and for those of you who need validation as you journey through your own loss, know this: Simply put, missing Mother just sucks.

Just like being sucked in by the tree and its grapevines, it's entangling!
My guess is that if I had just relaxed, my arm would have probably slipped right out of the grip of the tree branches, and I wouldn't have the soreness, scratches and bruises I have today. 
Much like that, I find that when I am feeling the emptiness of that gaping hole left behind by the loss of my mother, if I - instead - allow the memories of our time together to flood through my mind, I then begin to feel happiness, contentment, loved, comforted, lifted, blessed, honored, inspired, hopeful, strong, brave, encouraged, empowered, purpose-driven -- I begin to feel like me, again.

When we returned home from our weekend away, I walked into what used to be Mother's bedroom and I immediately was hit with her scent. Whew! It caught me by surprise, but it was wonderful and just what I needed.

So, when you think of your mother, remember that she is constantly guiding you and sending you love when you need it the most. You will feel her hug, you will feel her heart and that is when you will feel brand new. And each and everyday you will realize that you have all of these feelings, because you were lucky enough to call her your mother.

Someone 'accused' me of staying in a state of mourning. To that I say:
Yes, I mourn my loss, but I also celebrate Mother's life, her influence, her strength, her steadfastness, and all things that made her who she was. I love her.

Mother's Day, 1965

Missing you, Mom.