I MAY NOT BE MY BROTHER'S KEEPER, BUT I AM MY BROTHER'S BROTHER

"A brother is a friend given by Nature."

I saw this quote today and thought of my own brother, of course. Although we are 10-years apart in age, and we really didn't share childhood times with each other, we did grow into adulthood together. I love my brother and I love our friendship and that we share the constant "I would do anything within my power for you" mantra.

But, as my husband braces for the call we all dread, I'm also thinking about his brother and their relationship.

There's also a bit of an age difference between my husband and his brother - about seven-years. Much like myself, by the time my husband was old enough to begin to appreciate that he had one, his brother was about to graduate from high school. So, their defining childhood years were not really spent together as kids -- boys being boys.

My husband's brother has always been more serious than my husband; never seeming to let go and let loose. We often tease him about it. It seems as though the older he has gotten, the more ridged he has become. He's never said this to us, but I've always felt as though he wished he could be a little more like my husband and me -- a little more off-the-cuff, flexible, able to let go of his fears and just have fun.

That being said, one of my first memories of my husband's brother happened while my husband and I were engaged and his brother's job required a bit of traveling. He would allow us to "use" his apartment while he was away. ha ha ha

They don't have a lot in common, but they share a mutual respect for their ancestry, their way of life as children, and for their parents.

He's not really been an obvious driving force in my husband's life, but he is a symbolic force.

This is his Big Brother, and he is very ill - not expected to recover.

If you follow me on Facebook, you know that I'm praying for a miracle - in fact, I'm expecting one. (Pish-tosh to the doctor's expectations)

But the situation is bringing many thoughts that we've never really talked about to the forefront.  My husband has asked and said:

"Did I do enough to see to his well-being?"

"Did I stay close enough to him?"

"Could I have done more?"

"I really feel for his son."

"If things go as we're being told, I'll be the patriarch of the family!"

"Do I know all the stories about him that I should know?"

"Wow, am I old!"

"I wish I had more say in his care."

Since learning about his brother's illness, my husband has, at times, been wrought with guilt, sadness, and regret - both for the closeness they had and for what they didn't have. Of  course, we all know that's normal, but what I think makes this more difficult is the realization that they have had even fewer common experiences as adults then they did as children.

It seems to me the possible loss of a sibling is kind of neglected in our adult life. What I mean by that is we know that our grandparents and parents won't be with us on this earth forever. (Even though I'll admit that thought never entered my own head.)  But we don't ever talk about the possibility of losing a sibling.

I've read that there is a sort of social expectation that the death of a brother or sister in adulthood will have very little disruptive effect on us -- almost like there's a failure to appreciate the significance of siblings in adult life.

Well, that's just rubbish!

My husband and his brother may not share a lot of experiences, but they do share the bond that only a big and little brother can fully understand.

I can't imagine not having my brother and sisters to talk to, to play with, to reminisce with, to poke fun at, to disagree with, to learn from.

Just as important to me is my husband's relationship with his brother, because what my husband feels and goes through - I, too, feel and go through with him.

My thoughts tonight are with my brother-in-law and while I want nothing but comfort for him, I'm praying for a miracle!

I'm praying for my husband as he makes this journey.

I'm praying for my own siblings, and may they continue to be a strong force in my life.