A tsunami hits

I need to talk about my mother...not crafting and not cooking.
So, if you're thinking I'm nothing but a big baby, stop reading. But if you have words of wisdom to share, please read on and leave your comments of encouragement at the end. I could use them today.

My house feels empty. Why today more than yesterday? I don't have the answer to that, but "they" tell me my emotions will come in waves. If that's true, I've reached a tsunami.

I guess it all began when I started going through my mother's closet last night, trying to make some temporary storage space. I haven't yet gone through her dresser or closet, and it wasn't my intention to do that last night. But when I moved some of her things around, I came upon two packages that I didn't think I recognized. When I opened them, I saw that one was a gift for my younger sister -- that I remembered Mother buying at Macy's on the day after Christmas 2011. Her intention was to give it to my sister on her birthday this past December. I had completely forgotten about that.
But the other was a gift Mother bought for a friend of mine who did my mother's hair for many years. That's the one that drew such deep emotions, because I don't know when she would have purchased it. I was her driver. I was always with her. But it was wrapped and had my friend's name on it, and I needed to deliver it today. My friend was as surprised as I was and nearly as emotional; reminiscing about my mother's beautiful head of hair, the kindness of my mother and her very lady-like ways. We stood there at my friend's station, in-between clients, and cried.
My friend is really quite fortunate; she still has her mother, who will be 95-years old in February. I must be completely transparent here and admit that I'm often jealous. Not only of my hairdresser friend, but of others who still enjoy the company of their mothers or fathers.
I feel rather guilty about that, as jealousy is not an acceptable behavior pattern...not very becoming. In fact, other than for a short period of time while in junior high, I honestly can't remember ever being jealous of anyone.
Both my mother and my father taught me to make the changes necessary to achieve whatever it was I  was aiming for. Both of them taught me to be confident. Neither of them ever showed or expressed jealousy.
But this isn't something I can change. I can't "achieve" my parents back.

Anyway, I took all this as a sign to go ahead and empty her dresser drawers. So, I began with her lingerie,  which was a simple process. The next drawer was filled with everyday clothes, like shirts and Capri pants. I knew this, because I used to put her clothes away on laundry day.
I opened the drawer and right on top was a light orange and white striped shirt that she wore - like all the time.
That's it. I can't go any further.

So, my question...when will I know when the time is right? When will I be able to empty her room and maybe even redecorate her living room? When will donating her clothing to charity feel right?

This photo was taken only 18 days before she passed away. Look at her beautiful hair at the age of 94! I certainly have her to thank for my lovely locks.